| 1 | Certain Leaders in Government Look or Act Like Certain Pop Culture References! | David Cross | 4:51 |
| 2 | Women, Please Rinse Off Your Vagina and Anus! | David Cross | 5:10 |
| 3 | I've Taken a Popular Contemporary Pop Song and Changed the Lyrics to Comment on the Proliferation of Starbucks in My Neighborhood! | David Cross | 3:16 |
| 4 | A Rapid Series of Comical Noises! | David Cross | 3:57 |
| 5 | Although Indigent, Rural Families Have Little to Say in the Matter, Third Rate Public Education Has Kept Them Ignorant and Thus, Great Sources of Ridicule! | David Cross | 2:48 |
| 6 | My Child Is Enthralling, Especially When It Says Something Unexpectedly Precocious Even Though It Doesn't Understand What It Just Said! | David Cross | 8:38 |
| 7 | My Immigrant Mom Talks Funny! | David Cross | 13:37 |
| 8 | When It Comes to Jews, Behavior One Might Perceive as Obnoxious and Annoying I Present as "Quirky" but It's Okay to Joke About It Because I, Myself, Am Jewish! | David Cross | 6:01 |
| 9 | Pandering to the Locals! | David Cross | 7:13 |
| 10 | Even Though I Am in the Closet, That Won't Prevent Me From Getting Cheap Laughs at the Expense of Homosexuals! | David Cross | 2:37 |
| 11 | Weathermen Have Become, for the Most Part, Obsolete! | David Cross | 2:53 |
| 12 | When All Is Said and Done, I Am Lonely and Miserable and Barely Able to Mask My Contempt for the Audience as I Trot Out the Same Sorry Act I've Been Doing Since the Mid-Eighties! | David Cross | 12:51 |